What to do: It's like I'm looking at the t.v. guide of options and wondering what I can watch next. Just move the channel to something. Even just for some noise to have something there. Like having a drink in the hand. Just drink something! This is some sort of social expectation. If you go out to eat, you must eat. It is rude, otherwise. You cannot just hang out with the person, but need to show you're participating by sticking a plate or a bowl in front of you with something in it. I should bring toy food with me next time and throw it in a bowl and see if anyone notices. Things to be done.
It is no wonder that I am wondering about what to fill myself up with in this spare moment, mixed with a night's poor sleep. I dreamt I was living in Michigan and it was winter. In the midst of my dream, I panicked. I have this annoying commentator in my dreams. It is me. There is the dreamer, (me) and the commentator (me). Maybe it's caused by some sort of genetic snafu.
In the dream, my announcer said, "What are you going to do about the tires? How will you drive in all that snow and ice??" I am used to California, so the thought of a Midwest winter yanked me out of pure viewing and into anxiety about what I was going to do to fix the dream. Anxiety is a very familiar place. This is why I teach yoga. It is not for others.
And this brings me back to here and my "murmur" that is in the stomach. What will I do if I feel something and don't have a plan? If it is not work time, or lunch time, or some other appointed time for me to feel busy doing something.
If I eyeball my feeling--look inside, as I like to say--it does not feel like hunger. It feels like brain is soggy. Turned into pasty milk-soaked alphabet cereal letters. From figuring and configuring.
Eat when hungry. Don't when not. Sleep when tired. Drive when in Michigan.
Katelyn here, trying to figure this out. I think I figured out how to comment. I love this post. I go out all of the time to bars and not drink. I went to a bar Saturday night and ordered tea. I went alone, too. I wanted to be without a posse. I met 2 girls to chat with and I got the number of a guy! You can certainly go out with friends and not eat. Saves a lot of money. At lot of times I just like to have the TV on in the background for noise. Sometimes I cannot read without it because it is TOO silent!
ReplyDeleteYes, cute Katelyn, I know all about that silence. That is why I am sitting somewhere where people are busy chatting, writing, talking and reading, music is playing and there is a little humanity in the air. It is the "noise" that I need. Softens my own.
ReplyDeleteI remember that I used to go out dancing all the time by myself without any intention to meet anyone. I just wanted there to be the life of a party without ME being it, if that makes sense.