The Bloody Trail to Somewhere New...

Last night, a friend did an imitation of Jack Nicholson's often repeated line, from the movie, A Few Good Men. It was attempted in Nicholson's trademark style of gutteral and explosive frustration: "You can't handle the truth!"

There is something to this concept. Often the reason we push people away or get pushed away has nothing to do with what we believe or what is stated as the "reason." When you extend toward another, sometimes you get "no." No contact, no one home, don't call and don't leave a note. There are different ways the other person conveys this: It can feel to you like an act of cruelty or unkindness. As though that other person had taken a swipe at you when you least expect it. It happens in business, in love, in friendship, and in day to day encounters. This can happen when you are near someone's comfort zone and threaten to invade this barrier.

When I am on the receiving end of this, I feel pain and suffering when I cannot see the fear behind another person. And delivering this blow to another, is also destructive to my well-being. Either of these scenarios cause grief and static. Part of the potential outcomes in connecting with other humans.

So what does one do with this? Well, there is not one thing that will force another open if they do not wish it. You can choose to step into new places in your own interactions, but not one thing will push beyond a wall the other person does not wish to climb. Nor sleet, or snow, or entreaty will seep through. What is left then, is an opportunity for you, the one who seeks entry or closeness, to turn their cheek--not in anger, but in understanding. The task in this, as I see it, is to find love, still. And love is understanding.

We can see that a small child is often afraid of strangers. Someone who I do not know and something that is not familiar. Adults still exhibit this, even though they are wearing grown-up clothing and this time, the danger is instead, something that is beyond the scope of their experience. But this is not felt directly because it is considered weak. We are not allowed to cower as grown people. We are encouraged to be fearless, and handle everything with equanimity. This is the unwritten socialization that makes us good little boys and girls who hold our pencils properly in class.

In light of this scenario, often when there is fear, something else comes out instead of "the truth." The response can be to sink one's figurative teeth into another person. Safety prevails. Or you may choose confinement and loneliness in order to protect your heart from perceived injury. Friendship, opportunity and life, all loom scary in the distance.

If however, you desire experience more than "safety," then the recourse to this fear is to see it. Then you can treat it like something that is not "bad" or scary, but that which you do not know. Your decisions may change. Potential abounds, then, for the magnificent expansion of our being through "contact." Human to human.

Runners talk about hitting a "wall" in a long race. They either move beyond or stop here. Attempt to push a person beyond this--their wall--and you may become one more casualty on their bloody trail of flight from the "new." But you can continue to leave the light on with understanding and love. That is up to you.