Real LIfe

It makes me itchy when I hear people say things like, "Be in the now."  Of course this is a brilliant idea.  But this idea is different than what is happening right now.  Like right now I am very full.  My belly feels full and it is full.  This is not an idea.  And the fullness of it, pressing against my skin allows me to feel this moment.  

This is now, but it is also life.  When I think about now, I think not of the whisper of leaves falling to the ground or the sound of silence, but of my stomach-full.  

Now.

Why is a diet an end to a means

I used to declare myself rawfoodist before. And a fruitarian for a while. I was a yogi. A meditator. An athlete. A dumb person. A wild person. A reader.

What do all these labels do for me. It is like leaving the tag on the clothing. When I leave the tag on, or the label stays on the purse, it gives me a solid me. I can feel that I exist. I am SOMEBODY.

But this which appears to save me, to make me secure, also fences me in. Now I cannot go beyond this. It is my world and the boundaries are limited. If I switch, change, veer off my set course, then I am no longer me. I will have to try to be a whole new me.

This is dangerous in the world where identity is set. But it also confines. I am afraid to breathe in more space, but alsok, I am afraid not to reach out my arms and grow.

So I do what I do without the promise of now and forever. It is only now.